Don’t “Network”!

I recently asked a fellow coach for her approach to networking. She didn’t talk much about LinkedIn or Instagram. Instead, she said to strike up conversations with strangers just because, with no goal in mind except to be friendly.

Good stuff. I’m a fan of being genuine and letting the rest follow. Looking back, that’s how I did my best overseas work. (I’d just add that I chitchatted in places where I was likely to meet people from my target demographic. A university, for example, is a better place to meet educators than, say, a plumbers’ convention.)

In fact, in my view there is no other way to network that doesn’t work against you in the long run. Approaching people with intent to do business smacks of fakery and can put people off. But chatting to pass the time can reveal connections you didn’t know you had—and it’s a LOT more enjoyable.

It takes faith that just talking with people is a valuable use of one’s time. Like all relationship-building, it can take months to bear fruit, if at all. But in my experience it is worth every minute.

This kind of “non-networking” means being interested in others. What if we’re just not that kind of person? What if we are too introverted, busy or too stressed to hobnob with a stranger about the weather, let alone listen to them talk about themselves?

I’ve been there. The thing is, we can be that kind of person—when we’re with the right people. The trick is to bring that frame of mind to our interactions with others. I am genuinely interested in how my children are doing. I’ll happily ask them questions, listen to their responses and help them when I can. Why not take that same approach with people at a conference or standing in line for ice cream? Who knows where the conversation might lead.

The alternative is “networking,” which is… what? Finding any excuse to talk about our work? Buttering people up to ask them for favors? Those conversations don’t start or end well.*

But it’s surprising how our network grows when we’re “just” being friendly with strangers.

What other useful approaches to networking would you suggest?

*After I wrote the first draft of this article, LinkedIn highlighted a WSJ piece that reached a similar conclusion: If networking makes you feel dirty (i.e. fake), you’re doing it wrong.